My latest Genealogy discovery

A thought about genealogy. Dear H and I were talking about our ancestors and the cool facts that we have found and the ones that we might like to find. The truth is, we all set out hoping to find out more about those who came before us in the hopes of figuring out more about who we are. I guess part of us hopes to find writers, activists or great leaders because we want to know that somewhere in our past someone did something that gives us a sense of pride for something that can be easily understood by outsiders. Something that we can mention as a way to make ourselves feel more special. We hope that is makes us more interesting somehow.

But the truth is: I have never founded a city or lead troops in battle. I was not around when bras were being burned and I have never committed an act of protest - unless you count one little march and a history of jaywalking. I am of "ordinary" stock. After reaching that "aha" moment earlier this evening, I made a mental vow. I will not expect my ancestors to be any more or less interesting than I would want my descendants to expect me to be. That is to say, I will consider every single one of them to be extraordinary.

Strange dreams

I had the oddest dreams last night.

In one, I was at some type of park with my mother, father and Aunt B. There was a marine exhibit but it was not clearly marked which areas were open to the public and which were private. I kept wandering off into the private ones. I felt safe though because the only animal that was dangerous was the Polar Bear and bears never hurt me in dreams. (Seriously...never.) Anywho, at one point my father and I both wandered into some sort of Under The Sea style exhibit and we were walking on a path with tanks on both sides. I turned around and the tanks had met right in front of where my father was standing. He was not underwater, he was just on the other side of two sides of thick glass with water in between. Apparently, the sea turtles that were swimming around approved of us and they let the walls separate again. Mind you...he was never underwater but when he met me on the other side and we walked out together...he was soaking wet. Although, the only person that saw him as soaking wet was me. Nobody else saw it. I was asking everyone if they could see it because I was looking for someone else who could see that he was wet from head to toe and dripping water. It felt important to find someone who could see it because if they could see it, they were one of us...as in have the same outlook or understanding...or something like that.

That is when we walked into another room where my Aunt and Mom were and I started taking photographs using a new lens. Photos of architectural features on buildings out the window of the marine area...but the buildings were in China. I know they were because I made a mental note to market them as photos of Chinese-Western architecture.

There were other odd features in the dream too. Dolphins swimming totally stationary in a way that they looked like they were standing on their heads, a tank that had a giant fish that soaked the crowd every few minutes when it flicked it's fin. The fish wasn't a whale. I never found the whale tank even though I looked for it throughout the entire dream. And even though I was not personally afraid of the bear because I never am in dreams, the reoccurring fear that it will go after someone else was there. I was afraid that someone would get close to the bear when I was not there and could not "control" it.

My other dream was about genealogy and I remember seeing names in flashed. Names that I did not know but thought to myself in my dream, "Remember this when you wake up!" Of course, I forgot every one of them. I also dreamt about some information having to do with a grandfather. One of the Joseph Fairchilds. But, of course, I forgot that too.

While time is thinking about other things...

Today, I have been thinking about a book excerpt that I read many years ago on the Swedish as a Second Language National Exam.

Medan tiden tänker på annat by Niklas Rådström

"I am actually thinking of a time machine", he finally said

"What type of time machine?", I asked

"A time machine that I invented myself many years ago and now it is going crazy. It is destroying itself. It wants to continue forward - further into the future - but then it just keeps catching up with itself. The front keeps meeting the back. In the end, it will all break down. That is how it feels when time machines go crazy.", he replied.

I looked at Grandfather's face. He isn't crying anymore. He is just sitting and looking at me while he speaks. He wants so much for me to understand. But I don't understand. I don't understand what he is talking about. ...

"But why has the time machine gone crazy?", I ask

"Because it is driving into death", said Grandfather. "You know that. You know that I will die soon. Maybe not today or even this year. But next year or maybe the year after. You know that. You know I can not wait until you are grown up." ...

"It is because the time machine is crazy that I am still here. It is because the machine is crazy that he has so much to think about. It will be different later. That is why I am in such a hurry."

I nod.

"I am in such a hurry," repeated grandfather, "I am in such a hurry now because I must have the time for everything while Time is thinking of other things. Then, it will be too late." ...

Summer Fun

The first week of my Summer class is over now. Only three more days left and then 2 months of furious writing and studying for the Seminarium in August. It is going to be a crazy Summer between the two papers for the class and the paper for the FAWCO committee. But I am loving it. I feel at ease and comfortable with what I am doing right now. I am fighting my Super Woman complex and learning how to balance my time and my core energy but...hey...we can't have everything in line at the same time. Overall, it feels nice though.

Now I just have to pick between 2-5 photographs to have printed and frame for a market that I am doing in November. That one is going to be a leap of faith for me. I think I am going to have to battle my inner self doubting demons on this one. But I will do it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.