I bought this mushroom and discovered it's unique asset when I got home. (Yes I did just make a potty pun. And yes, you probably did laugh at it.)

I am ready.

Something has stopped me for the past few days. I have been numb to my own pain since I got the call on Monday. The funeral was yesterday and my plans for a private ritual here in Sweden did not go as planned. So I carried it over to today. I am cooking a nice home cooked meal that has a million small steps that will allow my mind to relax while focusing on small tasks. The wine is chilling. The dessert, a Crème Brûllé cake, is ready to be cut. The candle that burned Monday night will be lit again.

Today, I will cry.

Best of KinSweden #1: Babygate 2008

A combination of nervous energy about having a week off before starting my next class, waiting for the results of the one I just wrapped up and waiting for a phone call from home have made me think that I should pull the blogs that I have done on other sites over to this blog and delete them in those various other places. It might be as pointless as reinventing the lightbulb or as ridiculous as a 12 year old musician putting out a "Best Of" album. Either way...I am doing it and you all will read and love it. So there!

I am starting out with something really fun that happened in Spring 2008.

Babygate 2008: A conspiracy involving Peeps
Posted: March 27, 2008

I hate Peeps.

I know...I know...me and 5.5 billion other people on the planet! Hardly news almost a week after Easter!

So why exactly am I blogging about it? Because this morning I woke up with one thought on my brain...I wonder where the box with my Peeps is now!?

You see, my big sister is five months preggers and has decided that I will find out the sex of my godbaby in a fun way. Everyone else knows but they have all been sworn to total secrecy. I am the subject of one of the greatest conspiracies my family has ever seen. Even my five year old niece is in on it. I have started calling it Babygate 2008. Neither side knows how long it will last, but both camps know how it will end...

...with pink or blue Peeps.

Babygate 2008: The Conclusion
Published: April 2, 2008

Babygate 2008 has come to an end. It was not pretty. There was mud thrown by both sides, shameless attempts to bribe my family and on going negotiations with the Peeps themselves. No, not really people. That would be crazy even for me. It was my sister pretending to be the Peeps! I got the slip that there was a box waiting for me on Monday. I was there when the office opened on Tuesday. (Sincere apologies to the man who stepped in front on me in line. I wish you a swift recovery.) I tore into the box, threw balled up newspaper over my shoulder like printed bullets (Sincere apologies to H's mother. I am sure that eye injury isn't permanent.) and tore open the pink wrapping paper covering the BLUE Peeps.

Meditation? Yes please!

Looking forward to doing some meditation when my Swede heads off to English class. (Also looking forward to hearing how good his teacher is at English considering the fact that she has called the Presentations and Discussions part of the class..."Oral Activities". Yeah. You can just imagine the smart ass comment that I am holding back.)

It has been an emotional roller coaster for a few months. And I am coping (baking) well but the process itself is one of ups, downs and emotion periods. I have moved passed the weepy stage (ie coming to terms with impending passing of a loved one) and have moved comfortably into the overprotective stage. (ie How dare you look at someone that I care about cross eyed, you bastard!) No really. I dare someone to insult my mother...but only after I have told my friends to break the Bail Bank open. And the next phase (ie the passing) is not too far away so I am emotionally charged dreading it. (Could also be a cause for the overprotective phase)

So today I am really looking forward to just centering myself. No idea if that means camera and hike or just traditional soft music and breathing yet. Either way...Has he left for class yet?

Caramel Sauce Recipe

In order to help myself get through that mental constipation last weekend, I went into a cooking/baking fit. I can not for the life of me remember when I made for dinner. It was good but I am drawing a blank. All I remember was the chocolate cake with caramel sauce that I made. Oh yeah. I did. ;) I used my super secret chocolate cake recipe, poked a few holes on top and poured the caramel sauce that I invented (well, sort of. I winged it because I have made so many caramel type syrups before) right over the cake. I served it warm with vanilla ice cream. It was a huge hit with H.

Because I am such a sweetheart...I will share the caramel sauce recipe...

1 tbsp butter
3 tbsp milk
1/2 cup packed brown sugar

Melt butter. Add milk and brown sugar. Boil for 1 minute. It will boil really fast.

Where is brain exlax sold?

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the
winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

~ Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss

Why am I quoting one of my favorite books again today? --- Besides that is it a commentary on a life's path summed up by one of the greatest Children's Lit authors to even put pen to paper.

I am academically constipated. I sit here staring at the blank Word Document and wondering when the usable writing will start to flow. Well, that is what I did for the first week. Now I am just staring at it thinking, "Ok, what is with this stupid block!?" Because I know that it is me stopping myself here. It is all me.

Is it because I want to be in Upstate NY right now?

Is it because all those stories told to me by Ex-pats unable to get jobs has me freaked out about my own future?

Did my year off leave me more rattled and self doubting than I thought?

The photograph that I submitted to a local contest in the beginning of July. It was taken in Ystad when H and I went there for our 10th anniversary. There were a few paragliders out enjoying the sun (and the view) that day and I snapped a couple photographs. *cough*... fifteen

I was not selected to the finals though. At least, I am not in the group that they have online. If you want to see the finalists, go to www.gt.se, scroll down to "Sommartävling" and click on the slide shows (Bildspecial). Some of those photographs are really good and the photographers show serious talent. And I don't mind saying that I got some ideas about what to try in the future for a more powerful shot.

Julie and Julia...in two months!

Total bummer before 8:30am.

Julie and Julia does not premiere in Sweden until October!

Talk about a crushing blow. The kid in me had the date of the US premiere in my Calendar and now I have to circle one that is like...8 pages away. I tell ya...crushing.

And equally sucky is that for the next two months I will be avoiding all press about the flick. I want to walk in there as an emotional cook with no expectations beyond seeing the chick flick of the decade. This movie could be Steel Magnolias important to women...I feel it.

And I wonder how many of us waiting to see the movie secretly think, "Cook your way through the book and blog about it...DAMN that is smart!"

Is it good now?

Today, I got the wildest craving while doing laundry, sending Earth shattering e-mails and procrastinating school work. A craving that I can honestly say that I have never had in my adult life. Yes M'am. Going back about 10 - 15 years in time is on the menu. Tonight at dinner, we will be traveling back to simpler times in life and I am dragging Henrik along with me.

Tonight, I introduce my Swede to...The Beanie Weenie!

Update: He liked it. He is such an easy date. Anything with Heinz Baked Beans makes him all kinds of happy.

Leap of Faith Update

I am thinking more about that leap of faith I blogged about in June. Oh, I am not reconsidering. I am keeping the waves of self doubt pretty much at bay. Not that choosing a handful of shots is easy when fighting the urge to vomit from nerves but they are the usual nerves. What if nobody likes my work? What if they don't see what I mean for them to see? What if they take one look and say, "Jaaaaaaa, den är fin" in that passive aggressive Swedish way and I crumble into a quivering ball of crushed self confidence. I just might be the first recorded case of spontaneous collapse from ego deflation. The market is being held at some type of medical facility. There would be people there to stand around me, poke a few times and write it all down for posterity in a medical journal. It could happen. ;)

But believe it or not, the nerves are within normal range. I am just still wondering what to choose. How do I sum myself up in 2-5 shots that will translate into something others might...no, will... also enjoy?